The Chronically Ill’s Prayer for a Job

Based on 'A Mothers Prayer for Her Daughter' by Tina Fey. 

First Lord; nothing too stressful, may neither the words fast-paced nor competitive environment grace the sentences of the job description.

May I be respected, but not admired, for it is the admiration that brings the extra hours on Friday evening when a coworker needs help finishing a project, not the respect.

When an extra responsibility is proposed, may I remember the time I spent a month in bed after finishing a term paper, and have the grace to say "no."

Being of energy; guide me, protect me. When negotiating hours, with sick leave, when requesting holiday pay and overtime, when working from home, when working in the office, when sitting through meetings, when being asked if I’ve got a moment or if I could help out with a task, or having a tight deadline for anything, ever. Show me the grace to move through these challenges without any of my coworkers noticing my frequent naps.

Lead me away from hospitality but not so far as tech. Something where I can have flexible hours, and don’t have to interact with people too often, but where I can make friends and get outside every now and then. Something that is challenging and stimulating but not too stressful. What is this Lord? Please tell me so I may apply. Please do not tell anyone else that asks.

O Lord, break the email server forever, so that I may be spared the last minute request, the fundraising asks from my coworkers, and the emails labelled "urgent". They're never urgent, Terry, never.

And when my boss gives me a performance review and says I am doing well and asks if I can take on some duties of the position that was just terminated, give me the strength, Lord, to pass it on to a different colleague, because I will not have that shit, I will not have it.

And if one day lord, I am ready to quit my job, let them replace me with someone who is creative and competent. And as she sits at my old desk until 7 pm on a Friday evening excited about this great opportunity and wondering how her predecessor ever made it through the job in so few hours a week. When she sees the corners I cut and the projects I passed off to others and she makes a note to call and ask me about it, may she forget to call Lord, may she forget.